All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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