onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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