Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
