Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
