She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
