something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
