I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
