Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
