I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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