I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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