when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
