forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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