It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have aggressive nipples.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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