His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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