my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
