just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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