Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
