Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize