You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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