I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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