her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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