Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
