I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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