My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
