all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
