I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
