i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
