youre lurking in front of me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
