i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
