god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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