Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
