I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
