I love black thongs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
