hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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