He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
