Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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