god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
