Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
