I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
