I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
