how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
