Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
