Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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