All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
