Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
