This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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