And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
