The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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