You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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