then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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