My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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