evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
