he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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