Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
