Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
