Got a toothbrush?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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