his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
