I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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