you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
