Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No subtext here. People are naked.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
